Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Imperfect Mother













My daughter didn't eat anything
but tortilla chips for dinner.
She went to bed with damp hair.
The TV babysat for a while today
so I could deal with my depression.
I told her to put herself in time out
because I was busy fixing a gourmet lunch
of PB&Js.

What kind of mother am I?
I've read the parenting books.
Taken classes on early development.
I've read the mommy blogs.
Joined the mom groups.
I should be the perfect mom.
But I'm not.

I yell sometimes
(But I try to follow up with hugs).
Meals don't always include a veggie
(But I'm always trying to find one she'll like).
Bedtime is nowhere near consistent
(But I am always willing to sing another lullaby).
I am an imperfect mother
(But I love her more than life).

Judge away.


(Written 3.18.15)

5 comments:

  1. Start with that...loving her more than life. Start with baby steps. More important I hope you are trying to,get help because sometimes "stuff" is too big for us to handle alone. Good luck.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading! I'm not sure what "stuff" you are referring to? My mention of depression?
      I have a long history of mental illness which includes self-harm since the age of 12 and multiple hospitalizations. I am diagnosed Bipolar with Anxiety. I have a wonderful psychiatrist and I am well medicated. I also have weekly therapy. I assure you I am getting help. But unfortunately, despite all the things we do to minimize this illness, it will never go away in entirety, which leads to days and nights like today and last night where I feel a little depressed and have to do some coping skills to keep things balanced..

      Thanks for the concern. I created this blog to give a voice to how I truly feel on a daily basis. I came out to get my friends with the horror I have been dealing with for a long time. I write poems to get my demons on paper. If you read my About Me section or some of my poems not marked for SOLC you might learn more. :)

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  2. It sounds to me like you are the perfect mom - a mom who loves her daughter, and who is always striving to be even better for her. (I remember one time watching my children pour Cheerios on the floor, and then eat them, while they watched TV...and I drank a glass of wine and looked at Facebook. It's just...life.)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I realize now it sounds like I only gave her tortilla chips, but no, that's just all she ate of the mexican we had for dinner tonight.

      I've been there. Life is not a pinterest board!

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  3. Imperfect = Human
    Human is all you can be. You have the love and the grace that goes with being human. There are many who need to learn those lessons.

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