Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Cry Diamonds


Tuesdays Slice of Life













I could cry diamonds
and still no one would notice my tears.
I could write like the legends
and still no one could decipher my fears.

I was just floating in the wind
when everyone else was playing for keeps.
My body filleted and skinned
in the nightmares awake or asleep.

I can't focus anymore with these thoughts
racing and crashing against my mind.
Sick of the author writing these plots.
Plots where I am the villain designed.

How much longer can I preserve this snow
as it's melting, dripping down my arms.
I wasn't aware this was a game show.
100 points for every day unharmed.

Just one word, seemingly innocuous,
stirs hell's fires that lurk in my veins.
And all my struggle is suddenly worthless,
as the disease adorns its crown, and reigns.

Hopelessness is all too familiar a companion.
It pretends to soothe while instead it riles.
Dressed as a friend, underneath another demon.
Sticking a knife in your back as it smiles.

Even in the ceasefire, I am on watch.
I shall sleep with my eyes open and piercing.
Pray my skin does not receive another notch.
My heart keeps me awake with its aching.

My weapons look frail and fragile against steel.
They are just paper but what a powerful thing!
It transforms into books, paintings, poems, all which feel.
It will bandage my wounds and make me wings.


(Written 5.5.15)

7 comments:

  1. Stay strong Rachel fight against the demons and please believe in yourself and how important you are! Good luck.

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  2. We are here for you! See, this is why I love Two Writing Teachers. This is a safe place to be yourself, be human, be utterly open. At the same time, please remember that we want you to be healthy! Check into meds change, or even hospital, if needed, to keep you on the road to wonderful! And seriously, out loud, say to the demons, "Get away from me!" Be persistent; they will listen eventually.

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  3. You are a gifted, gifted writer and so brave to share your struggles. I am pulling for you that you get what you need in order to feel better. Sending you love and best wishes.

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  4. You are indeed a gifted writer. I hope organizing your thoughts on paper is supportive; however, make sure you take care of yourself and get whatever professional support you might need, as well. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  5. So great to see you write of the power of your paper weapons. Hoping that you can banish the demons and continue the healing process with the combined strength you can receive from professionals and through your writing.

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  6. What a beautiful and honest poem you've shared. I hope writing feels cathartic to you and helps you deal with your pain and sadness. If we can be of any help to you in any way, please let us know.

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  7. Thank you all for your support. I'm not in danger of doing anything drastic right now but I'm afraid I'm slipping in that direction. Literally waiting at my psychiatrist's office right now. Hope we can get this under control
    Thanks for reading my poem, it means a lot. :)

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