Wednesday, September 2, 2015

People Don't Care

"Suicide doesn't end the pain. It just gives it to someone else."

If you have ever lost a friend or family member to suicide, I'm sure you know what that quote means. Even a suicide attempt can tear through the hearts of those around the person.

Just to be straight, I wouldn't call someone selfish for committing suicide. I know that agony and I've attempted in the past. Even psychopaths I've heard of who committed suicide or attempted in order to "get revenge", I can only feel sorry for them. But sometimes when we are consumed by our depression we can't see outside ourselves.

I've sat by the side of friends when they receive the news that a friend killed themselves. Watched the pain transfer. I've known mothers who sat by their child's bed who tried to take their own life and might still succeed. I myself heard the news of a family friend hanging by a thread in a hospital bed after she decided to end it mere hours after I had spoken to her, laughed with her, hugged her. The morning I heard the news I couldn't breathe. I took all the blame on myself, what I must have said or didn't say. I took it out on myself, physically and mentally.

I'd say 99.5% of the youth and young adults I talk to, on Instagram, about depression, self-harm, suicide, etc. 99.9% think that no one cares about them and that they would not be missed. Of course, I try to explain to them how their world view is being twisted by depression, but they can't believe it.

No one cares. No one wants to listen. I could just disappear.

Depression feeds us lies and we eat them up like a horse and sugar cubes. It tells us we are unworthy, unloved, unwanted, ugly, stupid, out a fuck up. But it doesn't stop there. It pushes us away from those who love us. It tells us they don't care or they would prefer us gone. It appears to everyone. Teachers, doctors, friends. I have to lie. They don't want to hear what I'm really going through.

"I'm fine."

We tell people we're OK and then get hurt that they don't see the pain in our eyes. Depression tells us that's because they don't love us. So we keep lying and they don't know better until it's too late.

If you are considering suicide, just stop. Anyone considering suicide is going through something serious. It should be warning you that something is wrong. Stop listening to the lies. You don't have to feel that way. Trust the people who you love. See a doctor and get help.

Imagine you're in a hospital. You're on life support. Who is surrounding your bed? Family? Friends? Teachers? Co workers? With depression in your ear you may not be able to see it clearly but you are surrounded. People are breaking inside because they don't want to lose you. They hold their hands and pray around you because they love you.

People don't care till your gone?

I hear that one a lot.
FALSE. You are surrounded by loved ones and people who care for you. You might not even realize how deeply you impact some people's lives. People are there, but you won't know they care until you tell them something is wrong. None of us are mind readers here!!! Yes, some people have terrible home lives, but there is always someone you can turn to. Teachers. Doctors, friends, even suicide prevention hotlines. Advocate for yourself. Speak up. Shout, yell, scream.

Remember, you are not alone. We go through life hand in hand with those closest to us. We share pain and joy. If you choose to end your life you spread your pain. If you choose to fight for your life they can help you find joy.

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